You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
you didnt know i had herpes?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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