Welp...herpes.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
