is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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