if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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