thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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