I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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