I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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