I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'm really into asian looking animals
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
