I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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