So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
