I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
