...so i touched it.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
