I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
