I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
