those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
