I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
