Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
