I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
