i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
