I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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