You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
