We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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