He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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