Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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