I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
