Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
