I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
