Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
