Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
