i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
