So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
