He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
