i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
