there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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