Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
