Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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