i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
