Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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