If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Let's paint friendship bongs
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
