I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
