The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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