Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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