We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
