I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
