If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
They have beer where we have blood.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Why are your pants in the freezer?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
