Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
