How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
