Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
