I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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