im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
