Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
