Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
