Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
