we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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